• darachduffy


OK so guys. This is my first ever blog post. Im on a train from London To Worcester. Ive had many experiences on trains. Train journeys used to be distinctly different for me before I was diagnosed with ADHD and got sober. In the old days, train journeys were always accompanied by 4 or 8 cans of those green lagers you get from Marks and Spencers at the big train stations. Always. Sometimes they would be accompanied by a bag of cocaine. Sometimes when I had no money I had to face them sober, hungover, depressed and ashamed. I used to look at people on the trains who were writing on laptops and feel a mixture of feelings. I used to see them as squares or geeks, or i used to envy their ability to sit down without any substances to get them through the never ending despair that I felt at every moment until I had quickly gulped the first two cans of those 'greens' as me and my friends would call them. In fact a few of my friends said you are not a real man unless you have 4 or 8 or even 12 greens on any train journey. I recall having 12 on a trip to Edinburgh once. Now when you have money and alcohol you get chatty. So I recall speaking to many hen do's. You know the type. Middle aged women with their little gin and tonic cans and small bottles of prosecco. They would embrace me and I would entertain them for the whole trip. It could be fun. It also could be hell. I slept past my stop uncountable times. I once ended up in Penzance. Now listen....Penzance is the end of the line. Literally the bottom of ENGLAND. My destination was Worcester from London. There was no way of getting back to Worcester that day so I had to sleep on the floor in the train station until the next morning. This wasn't uncommon. Another thing that wasn't uncommon was losing laptops, bags of clothes, passports, everything!! I knew not if they were stolen or if I just left them. The beverage will make you very very careless. I recall one morning in the height of depression feeling in my pocket and pulling out a gram of cocaine and my heart sang like free bird being unleashed from his cage by Leonardo Da Vinci himself. Then the debauchery began. Trip to the toilet. Back. 15 minutes of dopamine and no anguish.....then the anguish would come back. So back to the toilet I would go. If I was lucky I would have beer so the coke would last longer. Without beer cocaine dopamine highs can last from 5 mins to 15. Its not a fun time to be addicted to things that make you feel terrible after you take them.

Well now Im sober and Im writing this blog post with the knowledge that my addictions stemmed from my adhd. ADHD means less of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This is the motivation molecule. After years of failure, due to wrong decisions and wrong job choices I lived a life of despair...for years, the only thing that could make me feel somewhat normal even though I dont feel normal now....just a little bit more normal ...was booze and coke. I could function. Why? because it gave me the neurochemical that I craved so much and I didnt have. Dopamine.

After being diagnosed and learning about the adhd brain. The restlessness, anxiety, fear all boiled down to two things. ADHD and lack of purpose and meaning. Im taking concerta prescribed by my doctor for ADHD. It helps tremendously as it gives me the opportunity to focus on meaningful work. It also helps me not spiral into depression where alcohol and cocaine always seem to be the answer. I am studying a masters in psychology and have a podcast and YouTube channel that Im hoping to one day make my name as a leading figure in ADHD. I now have meaning and purpose and sobriety. Now one thing. The most important thing. Is it to try to learn as much about yourself as possible. Everybody is different. Pick up a book. Read or listen to ADHD books. There's quite a few. Delivered from Distraction by Ned Hallowell and John Ratey is the best.

IF you think that your life is spiralling. You are losing jobs relationships, suffering from addiction or constantly feeling anxiety and a sense of unease there is a big chance you have ADHD. 4-8% of us have it. Thats millions of us. Book an appointment with your GP and come prepared and be forceful. OR if you can spare £100. Go to a specialist ADHD psychiatrist and get a formal test. It could save your life as it is saving mine,

Remember medication is great, but exercise, sleep, and doing a job you are passionate about and surrounding yourself with people who want the best for you and are not dragging you down is arguably way more important. Good luck and God bless x

13 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All